So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I licked your asshole in confidence.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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