Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Randomize
