You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
