Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
