I'm going to jail i love you
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
