OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
