just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
