Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
