I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
