My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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