Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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