I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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