just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
