She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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