hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
