Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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