there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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