I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
