You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
