We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
