Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
