dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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