We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
