Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
