ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
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