My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
