You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
