Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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