Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
