Is it because I queefed?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
