It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
