yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
