ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
