nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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