I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
