get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
