I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
This is classic penis vs brain.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
