I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
