They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
