I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
