You work out of a Hotel?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
