Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
