y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
