dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
