im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
