i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
