Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
