Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
