i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
