Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
