So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
