you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
