forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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