it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
