I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
