Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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