Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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